Aries: Everything is happening. Nothing is ever not happening. You left the stove on but its fine.
Taurus: Stay alert Tauruses, someone threatens your favorite crackers.
Gemini: There is a hole in your arm where more skin used to be. The tiny things you are made of will handle it.
Cancer: Manufacture rubber band guns and sell them to the warring third graders at the nearby school.
Leo: The night is long, the tea is hot, the eyes are plenty.
Virgo: You have a guardian spirit but she is kind of a dork and wont do well in social situations.
Libra: You have achieved! What have you achieve? A frigate.
Scorpio: The jailer spirit is himself bound, use this to your advantage.
Ophiuchus: The spider lady would like her copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends back.
Sagittarius: It is time for a change of pace, have you considered ceiling furniture?
Capricorn: The stars say to hella nap.
Aquarius: A parasol makes for an elegant, yet inefficient weapon.
Pisces: Compact yourself into a small cube, this will make you easier to carry and store.
Normal Horoscope:
Published
lovingdread 