Normal Horoscope:

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Try running the ice cream scoop under warm water beforehand. Also, blood comes out with enough soda water.

Taurus: Find enlightenment in draining all the water from your body.

Gemini: One of the walls in your home is very not real. Im sure you have your suspicions as to which one.

Cancer: Show your curiosity to the world by carving a question mark into your forehead with a bread knife.

Leo: The time for peaceful conversation is gone. Break something or be broken.

Virgo: Fear offers comforts that the waking world cannot.

Libra: Its possible to think someone is weird as hell but also let them do their thing. Bathe in the insanity of the world.

Scorpio: We cannot help with some fights. This is not your fault.

Ophiuchus: There is freedom in a slip n slide.

Sagittarius: Your perception skills can be a double edged sword. We are not meant to know some things.

Capricorn: X marks the spot. The spot you should stay very very far away from.

Aquarius: Do not try to be anyone but yourself under penalty of death.

Pisces: Nobody ever admits everything. This is for the best. You do it too.

starlit-astrology:

unusual truths about the signs

aries: can actually be super fearful. mask emotions by being rash and reckless because they fear, more than anything, messing something they care about up. they feel that their emotions get in the way of making good decisions. 

taurus: not lazy; picky where they spend their energy. taurus’ can be very passionate, being ruled by venus, and when it’s something they care about taurus will go to the ends of the earth to achieve what they want. 

gemini: feels extremely deeply. always trying to dissect why they feel the way they do instead of embracing it. mask pain with wittiness and sarcasm. never honest with themselves though they can be so brutally blunt with others. 

cancer: probably has anger issues or anxiety. because cancer’s feel so deeply, they look for an outlet to release these emotions. anger is the one i’ve seen the most – cancer’s are volatile and find a way to hurt the person they take their anger out on – they go for the kill shot. 

leo: way more insecure than they front. many leo’s are physically confident, as we all know, but, like gemini’s, leo’s couldn’t be more emotionally insecure. they love the idea of love, but they’re terrified of emotional intimacy. 

virgo: their controlling organization comes from a lack of control over their heart. virgo’s – as all air signs do – can have flitting attraction. their interest is temporary, as they enjoy a mystery, but only for so long. it’s a very fine line to keep the affections of a virgo, as they’re extremely picky with who they settle. 

libra: can be completely cold-hearted. scorpio’s and cancer’s get angry, but usually out of emotion, and it’s evident that no matter what they say they still care. libra’s however, have a switch that completely detaches them from all feelings when they’re pissed. will make you question if they ever even cared. 

scorpio: common perception of scorpio’s is that they’re kinky and sexual bastards, when really they are one of the few signs who views sex as an act of love rather than of physical feelings. scorpio’s only have sex with people they love – it’s more their heart than body. 

sagittarius: that wanderlust spirit is rooted deeply in fear. sagittarius fear attachment to one place or person for too long; it’s why they tend to travel. either physically or emotionally, locking down a sagittarius is very difficult, but not because they just want to see the world, but because they are very distrustful in nature. 

capricorn: like gemini, capricorn are very emotional. however, capricorn tend to ignore feelings instead of trying to understand them. known as driven, they tend to focus all their energy on a single thing, and think that emotion is a distraction from their goals.  

aquarius: super loyal. even though aquarius are very opportunistic and tend to take the route they think is the best for themselves, they also have a very compassionate side to those they sympathize with. aquarius’ hearts are difficult to capture, but once you do they’re also difficult to lose.

pisces: much more manipulative than perceived. pisces may feel deeply – as a water sign – but they use this to their advantage. pisces have a wicked accurate gut feeling due to how deeply in tune their are with their own emotions. if a pisces thinks that you can benefit them, they will use you.

Normal Horoscope:

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Somewhere in your mind is the cistern where all lost things collect. Find that place.

Taurus: Wear socks, heat escapes through your toes.

Gemini: There are strange gossamer things floating through the night in your neighborhood. Wonder not what they are, and enjoy the glow.

Cancer: Dream of a maze of shelves and scholars. Within its twisted halls lies the answer.

Leo: The next step is cran-razzberry flavored. Keep an eye out.

Virgo: Visit those you cannot in your mind. Sleep is the longest beach.

Libra: All gifts should be repayed in some way or another. We all have something to offer, however small.

Scorpio: Sometimes its just not a knickknack anymore. Sometimes it might as well be a fond memory, crystallized.

Ophiuchus: Art made is art consumed. Art consumed is a bad case of indigestion.

Sagittarius: The heart wants what the heart wants what the heart wants what the heart wants what the heart wants what the heart wants

Capricorn: Play your card whatever it may be. The time is now.

Aquarius: Roll the uncertainty in your palms like a marble and gaze into its depths. It will all be okay.

Pisces: You are small to some. Enjoy this.

Normal Horoscope:

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Everything is happening. Nothing is ever not happening. You left the stove on but its fine.

Taurus: Stay alert Tauruses, someone threatens your favorite crackers.

Gemini: There is a hole in your arm where more skin used to be. The tiny things you are made of will handle it.

Cancer: Manufacture rubber band guns and sell them to the warring third graders at the nearby school.

Leo: The night is long, the tea is hot, the eyes are plenty.

Virgo: You have a guardian spirit but she is kind of a dork and wont do well in social situations.

Libra: You have achieved! What have you achieve? A frigate.

Scorpio: The jailer spirit is himself bound, use this to your advantage.

Ophiuchus: The spider lady would like her copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends back.

Sagittarius: It is time for a change of pace, have you considered ceiling furniture?

Capricorn: The stars say to hella nap.

Aquarius: A parasol makes for an elegant, yet inefficient weapon.

Pisces: Compact yourself into a small cube, this will make you easier to carry and store.

Normal Horoscope:

normal-horoscopes:

Aires: The night has a thousand eyes, be very careful not to poke any of them. What did the night ever do to you?

Taurus: Be on the lookout for something that looks like its made of driftwood and light. He trades bad memories for fast food cupons.

Gemini: If you come across a library of forbidden knowledge tended by the dead dont try to check anything out. You can only get a card if you’re a legal citizen of an afterlife plane and it would be very embarrassing if you weren’t.

Cancer: Not every day will be one of triumph. You will fail, you will be lost, you will be scared. Fertilizer is made from plants whose time has passed.

Leo: You must be brave enough to produce terrible things. The key is discipline, fuck standards.

Virgo: The internet has made it possible to be scared to talk to girls that are thousands of miles away. 

Libra: Make sure to empty your dream catcher into a wastebasket every couple days. Otherwise you might attract things that try to eat the dreams suck there.

Scorpio: If you’re gonna break rules, for the love of god do it with some style.

Ophiuchus: Hiding under the covers actually works with some things. It is technically a threshold and so some things do actually have to be invited.

Sagittarius: “two birds one stone” Is a misleading proverb. Meteorites hit pretty hard.

Capricorn: Most armor is not resistant to funk based weaponry. 

Aquarius: Harvest from the rich and give to the poor. They wont need the blood for much longer anyway.

Pisces: Make up your own constellations, pray to your own gods, command unknown forces of your own divination. Steal from everything. This is real magic.