a nsa agent in a suit looking through my laptop camera: she’s on her phone…….. our data shows that she’s got tumblr open on her laptop but she has tumblr open on her phone………. double check her browser?
some nerd hired straight out of college: *types rapidly* she’s definitely got tumblr open on her laptop
the nsa agent, softly: so why is she looking at it on her phone…..
My husband and myself have served in the military. When we call home from overseas, our lines are monitored and on a short delay so no sensitive information is revealed. The line will just go dead if you say something you’re not supposed to.
Now, these calls are monitored by a department in the military called Signal corps. When we’d talk on my husband’s last deployment, we had a running joke that we said hi to “Signal Guy Fred.”
So this continued for his entire 12 month deployment, and we made sure we said hi or bye to “Signal Guy Fred” every phone call. On his final phone call before returning home we made sure to thank “Signal Guy Fred” for his time and wish him farewell.
So, before I disconnect the call, I wish “Fred” the best and thank him for his service. My phone was on speaker mode (I was cooking dinner) and my finger was hovering over the end call button when I hear the softest little, “My name’s Jason.”
turning into a swarm of rats mid sentence while talking to someone
debating with your friends what bloodtype a human is based on arbitrary things (ie: “see, he just picked his nose when he thought no one was looking DEFINTELY a type-O” “oh fuck off we both know thats an AB move”)
citing “conservation of mass” as the reason you can turn into one (1) wolf but several rats or bats
Counting The Ceiling Tiles Game, Extreme Version (or, for that matter, ANY counting game, Extreme Version)
holding entire conversations with someone while standing on the ceiling and vehemently avoiding acknowledging or explaining why you are on the ceiling
almost getting yourself killed because you just couldnt stand not knowing what garlic bread tasted like even a second longer
“i need an entire extra closet, just for my eccentric cloaks” “what about your eccentric coats?” “two extra closets-” “what about your eccentric shawls?” “three extra closets-” “what about-” (repeat for as long as your friend can keep coming up with swishy articles of clothing)
feel free to add more
telling knock knock jokes while actually knocking at the door until the owner of the house you are trying to enter gets tired enough to give up and invite you in
looking in the mirror and loudly announcing “oh my god i look AMAZING”
lovingdread 