How time flies when one has a poor grasp of it. 

2ndPuberty doesn’t make up for my treacherous body getting it wrong the first time but better late than never.

…

The gradual changes have been gratifying; tbh I shoulda started on a regular dose, for some reason equating being non binary with “only going halfway”, but why be tentative just cos other enbies don’t go all-in? Long before knowing transsexuality was a thing this was my deepest secret desire…2.5 decades ago, watching the evening sky for the first star to wish upon that I’d wake in the body I was supposed to have, with a dick and no societal pressure to eventually incubate someone’s parasite.

Being confident in my skin is a novelty–ofc I’m still Super Dissatisfied with this fleshsack, but it’s easier to bear knowing the corpse I leave behind will look more like me. I’m calmer, less angry, no longer mortified by my default body and voice. The scars on my upper thighs aren’t so stark with the smattering of new hair and suicidal ideation that began at puberty simply isn’t there anymore…almost as if I’d been suffering from a major hormone imbalance since age 11, heheh. 

It’ll be years before there’s a proper goatee to stroke when deep in thought yet I can’t stop fiddling with the faint scruff there so far. My abdominal bees were finally dormant this month, and after starting testosterone that biological process went from “so dysphoria-inducing I wanna fuckin die” to “rather inconvenient”.  Having a libido is alright and it’ll be interesting to see if my orientation changes–I may be shifting towards demisexual but will keep saying “ace” for the sake of simplicity and not making my identity even easier to invalidate lmao. Even my chronic pain has lessened, which the doc said is common when trans people go on HRT. For the first time in my 27 years I feel truly alive; I have a future and want to stick around for it.

So here’s to the next 6 months.